Simon Macbeth regrets not taking my feelings for Ella further, but then a change in the way I lived my life then would have meant I would be a completely different person today. It is a regret of mine, but then again it’s not. The worst thing you can do with your life is to miss chances and never know what might have been. I’ve never really done that. Even with Ella, I gave life my best shot while I had the chance. She knew I liked her and we had a relationship, if only for a few days. There are many of you reading this book that will have never even asked the girl/boy you liked out in the first place and still harbour those regrets.
I knew Ella for such a short time, so I guess I never got to know the real person. In relationships where two people are together over a longer period and get to know each other properly, certain aspects of each other’s character or behaviour may cause irritation. I never got near that stage with Ella, which is why she’s always going to be on that pedestal with me. There was only one flaw; she smoked cigarettes while she ate. It wasn’t a big deal, but it did bug me.
The Ella situation has been something that I have used as a weapon to beat girlfriends over the head with. At times I’ve wound women up and have enjoyed doing it. I’ve never said to someone, “You’re not Ella,” but I’ve definitely had Ella in the forefront of my mind when I’ve judged people. There were times when I hoped I’d meet Ella again and we’d pick up where we left off.
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